You Drive Me Crazy
by L.L Stewart
Summary: Jax goes back to the cabin after leaving Tara there to attend to Bobby, but something about their encounter that morning has Jax frightened.
1. Chapter 1

Hello everyone! I am so very **sorry** that it has taken me so long to update - or write anything for that matter. I have been so crazy busy. I left my old job for a new opportunity and it has completely taken most of all my time. It's great, different and new and they are such a wonderful company. I've haven't been able to sit down and write at all. So this is just a small fic to get the juices flowing. I do promise that One Weekend will be updated. I just can't seem to part with it just yet. Nothing is coming out right.

This will only be a two chapter fic just to get my juices flowing. I'm sorry if it's a little short? I'm also writing on my phone since my computer crashed so if the format is wonky or I missed some editing... I'm sorry.

 **Title:** You Drive Me Crazy

 **Genre:** General

 **Timeline:** Season6

 **Characters:** Jax and Tara

 **Words:**

 **Published:** Dec 17/2015

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 **After everything that has happened, with all the lies, cheating, and betrayal . You still feel like you can still change what's happened. Give all you've got left, to stay and fight for the one you love, but in your heart you know it's the end. You are now the enemy.**

Emerald eyes fixated on the leather jacket in front of her, laying on the chair in the corner of the small, dark room. She gasped, as the images of the cold, damp jail cell, haunted her thoughts.

 _ **'This bed...this room. It was almost like she was still in jail. The cell she left only a few days ago. It felt like she was in prison. Everyone watching her every move.'**_

She inhaled a deep breath, her right hand grasping at the bed beside her. She swallowed, licking her dry, chapped, lips. Her throat closed; tightness creeping against her chest.' She needed to get out of there, before Jax or the club returned.

 _ **'You have already betrayed him - he betrayed you. It was done, they were over. They would be naive to think otherwise. There was no coming back from this. Gemma had been right all those years ago, telling her that, her and Jax wouldn't last. That their love was always doomed.-**_

'What have I done?" She whispered, as she moved across the room. She sighed as she bent down, her eyes closing as her fingers clutched at the worn leather. Picking it up, she slipped it on, turning towards the door.

'What you are planning to do, will put the nail in the coffin for you two. You can't go back from this... You will be dead to him after this.' Her conscious kept reminding her as she rechecked her surroundings, making sure she wasn't forgetting or leaving anything behind. Sighing loudly her hand grasped the door knob, and turned it slightly.

* * *

The ride home was colder then he expected it to be and his teeth clenched as the chilly wind, seeped through his jacket, connecting with his skin. He shivered, taking a large breath as he revved his motorcycle and sped faster down the highway. It was almost ten minutes from the cabin and he needed to get there. The quicker...the better.

The way things ended this morning with Tara, the awkward hug - the way she felt against his body.

 **Cold** **– Cold** **as ice.**

 **T** he way she had looked through him, and not at him, frightened Jax more than he wanted to admit. He knew she was hiding something from him. Since the day he fell in love with her, he realized that was the one thing Tara couldn't hide from him. Even though she had always tried her hardest – when she wanted too, to keep secrets from him all he had to do was stare deeply into her green eyes and he knew if she was hiding something.

Her eyes were the window to his soul and when he stared into them today he knew she was definitely keeping something from him. After everything Tara had done to him, the betrayal, the lies, the fake pregnancy. Jax forgave her. He knew he hadn't been the best husband, deep down he knew he had never been a good man for her. One who deserved to have her.

Jax Teller had never been good enough for her. Would never be good enough for her. Who would blame her though? All the lying, the pushing her away - the cruel words he spewed at her. He deserved everything she did to him.

Jax turned down the long dark, dirt road and the roar of his bike echoed through the forest. He stopped a few feet away from the driveway of the cabin and stepped off his bike, placing the helmet on his handle bars. He glanced at his watch, before slipping into the bushes.

* * *

Tara glanced up from the porch and she panicked, speeding up as she hurried across the wood porch, the crunching of her black boots ringing louder in her ears. ' _You need to leave! Now! Leave before you change your mind.'_

Her eyes adjusted to the darkness and she glanced ahead of her, towards the end of the driveway. No one was there, not a vehicle in sight. Maybe she imagined the bike? It couldn't be anyone from the club, they had only left not less than an hour ago, they wouldn't have even hit Lodi yet. The cabin was about and hour and a half from Charming. It couldn't be them... It wasn't Jax.

Tara exhaled softly, she was just imagining things. Letting her imagination run wild. Of course, part of her wished Jax would show up before she got into the car and they would reconcile and they would – No!

No – it wasn't him.

This mess, this betrayal she was doing? Wasn't going to bring them back together. Their marriage was officially over.

The boys safety. Her safety, was all that mattered now.

Tara glanced back toward the cabin one more time before opening the car door, her eyes filled with tears, and she closed them. 'It'll be alright. Just breathe.' She whispered as she slipped inside the car and shut the door. Her hand moved to the steering wheel and the keys dangled close to the ignition, but before she could start the car, something cold and hard hit her wrist, causing her to scream.

Her head snapped up and she swallowed hard, as blonde hair and blue eyes caught her vision. Her eyes lowered to her arm. Not only had Jax been sitting beside her in the SUV but, his left arm was also handcuffed to her right arm.

"Going somewhere, babe?"

TBC. ..

Well? Intrigued?


	2. Chapter 2

wow I am so happy how many reviews, follows and favs I got from this fanfic. That makes me so happy. Well because I am having so much fun writing this, I decided it deserved to be more than only two chapters. K do hope you enjoy this chapter just as much as the first. Again, I'm writing on my phone so if the format is wonky or I missed editing. I'm sorry!

Title: You Drive Me Crazy

Genre: General

Timeline: Season 6

Characters: Jax and Tara

Published:Dec 17/2015

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Tara struggled, her wrist twisting as she tried to free herself from the cold handcuffs. It had been about fifteen minutes since Tara had found Jax in her SUV, it had been ten minutes since he had handcuffed her. It had been five minutes since he un-cuffed himself, putting his cuff on the steering wheel, making sure Tara couldn't move too much. He had given her an icy dark stare before leaving the car and heading into the cabin, only whispering 'Be back shortly' into her ear.

Tara was afraid , really afraid. Jax had left the cabin with the SONS, they had business in Charming. What, she didn't know – Jax had kept everything to do with the club, and himself, hidden from her, ever since she returned from jail. He wasn't supposed to be here. She had everything planned out. She was going to sneak away from the cabin when Bobby fell asleep, she was going to go to Charming, pull into Gemma's house, take the boys – at gun point, if she had too. And, then she was going to run. Run far away so no one could find her. No one. Not even Jax.

So, how come that didn't turn out as planned? How was Jax back at the cabin? How did he know she was going to leave and why the fuck had he handcuffed her to the steering wheel?

The car door opening startled Tara out of her thoughts and her head raised to Jax. His blue eyes watched her curiously – she could tell he was angry, his eyes darkened and she could see all the pain in them. She watched him as he slipped inside, taking the key out of his hand and unlocking one of the cuffs off the steering wheel. When he placed it on his left wrist again, closing it and locking him together with her. She swallowed. 'What was he doing? Why was he locking himself up with her?'

His gaze stayed locked on hers and he moved his arm, tugging her arm with his. "Get out" He snarled.

"What?" She whispered, fear seeping through her gasped breaths.

"Get out of the car, Tara." Jax' voice was raw with anger and he moved his body closer to hers, so he was almost on top of her. " You need to get out this way so I can get out too." His hot breath tickled her ear and she shivered slightly.

Tara did what he asked and scooted herself out of the car, she stopped abruptly. She needed to wait for him, if she didn't she would hurt her wrist. She winced as the handcuffs scraped against her skin. Jax was finally out of the car, his body pressed hard against hers and Tara froze. His head moved, his lips brushing the back of her neck. His right arm moved around her body and he held a small flashlight in front of her.

"Please don't fight me, Tara. If you do, it will just be more painful for you. I don't want to hurt you. I just want you to follow me peacefully." He turned on the flashlight and moved beside her. Their wrists locked together. He started to walk slowly, but was stopped suddenly when Tara didn't move.

"Where are we going? I'm not dressed to walk through the dark, cold forest."

Jax glanced back at Tara, he could see the fear in her eyes and his gaze softened towards her. "You'll be fine, babe. I have it covered." He shifted the large back pack over his free shoulder and pulled her closer to him."I'm not going to hurt you...Please, just be calm."

She hesitated for a moment before letting out a long, nervous sigh. He tried to smile at her trying to reassure her that he wasnt there to harm her, but, deep in those blue eyes, she could see that it was taking ever fiber in his body not too.

They were silent as Jax tromped through the narrow pathway through the dark forest. Tara remembered this trail from years ago, when her, Donna and Opie and Jax used to come up here on the weekends, right before they had graduated. Before she left him, running away from Charming to go to College.

"Where were you going Tara?" Jax finally spoke, pulling her aggressively through the bushes. " I asked you specifically to stay put with Bobby. Why were you leaving? Why do you seem so scared and nervous around me? What are you hiding?

Tara didn't respond, but by her hitched breath and his wrist moving more, he could tell she was frightened. " He yanked on her arm and she yelped. "What the fuck are you hiding from me." Jax snarled, stopping abruptly so she ran into him. He spun around, her right arm tangled around him, he could tell she was in pain and he didn't care, if she was going to ignore him. He wasn't going to play very nice.

"N -Nothing." She stuttered, her eyes avoiding his intense gaze. Jax' face grew hot and turned red he pushed her with his body, causing her to stumble backwards and her back smashed into a large tree and she hissed in pain.

"Jesus Christ Jax, you're hurting me."

Tears filled her eyes, but she closed them quickly, trying to hid the small teardrops falling down her face. "I - I wanted to grab a few more things from your house that I might need for the boys and I for the next couple of days, I'm sure we won't be taking Bobby home anytime soon." She replied.

Jax could tell she was lying - her hitched, shakey whisper, was more than confirmation that Tara was planning something. What, he didn't know. He would find out. Didn't matter how long it took. Hours, days...months. he wasnt leaving until he did.

Jax paused his eyes narrowed and his head turned to the right and he squinted his eyes adjusting to the darkness. "We are almost there!" He grunted, pulling Tara through a few bushes before they ended up at a large open clearing.

He slipped the back pack off his shoulder and threw it to the hard ground, he unzipped the bag with his free hand and pulled out a blanket and a few sweaters and then the case of beer he shoved in there as well. He grabbed the key, unlocked his cuff and looked around for something sturdy.

Tara would cave...sooner or later. She would open up, until then, he would keep her prisoner. Soon she would let him in.

Yes...soon she would open up.

Very soon.

Tbc...


	3. Chapter 3

Thank you so much everyone for the awesome reviews, favs and follows. I am sure glad you like the story. I've been having such a hard time getting anything out, so when I do, I try to get it on paper asap. I just hope it's a good as all my others. Muse is being such a bitch lately.

If you haven't figured it out yet this is definitely AU after the episode at the Cabin. Season 6, Episode

Not sure how it will end or if Jax and Tara will make it, but I promise that you will be satisfied the whole way through. I am still writing on my phone so if format is wrong or I missed some editing. I am sorry.

It's the same as before semi short but it means I'm not finished and that more will be coming soon. I feel like it could be written better, more polished, but for what I'm going for, I thinks it's perfect to help my writers block.

Please keep reviewing, love to hear what you think. It's like chocolate for my muse.

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Chapter 3 : Playing with Fire.

Tara watched as Jax scrambled around in front of her - placing the blanket on the ground and spreading it out, before pulling out a couple more blankets and a few sweaters and a case of beer. He had found a tree branch and had un-cuffed himself and cuffed her to the tree - still making her vulnerable to him. She twisted her wrists, trying to free herself, but the metal just scraped against her skin.

She whimpered, her wrists were raw and itchy and she needed to rub them. Why wasn't he letting her go, what had he planned for her? The scene in front of her and the way Jax looked, it didn't look like a man who was going to hurt her, but then again, knowing Jax for half of her life, she knew better. Sometimes Jax, when pissed off or angry - looked like he was happy - or peaceful. But, this was when he was the most dangerous.

"I remember confronting you when I found out from Donna you were leaving me to go to school. When you denied it, saying you hadn't made up your mind...I remember looking deep into your gorgeous green eyes and seeing something terrifying. I couldn't place it. Didn't know what I was actually seeing but, deep down in my heart I knew that you weren't telling me the whole truth...your eyes, your soul told me differently. And, I was right. You were keeping something from me, you played me, and made me look like a complete fool when you left me two days later. Only leaving me a note. You were a coward, you couldn't even face me and tell me the truth." Jax paused, pulling a cigarette from his Kutte and lighting it.

"Today I seen the same look. Your soul was trying to tell me something - trying to let me know that you're hiding something. I might have been dumb and naive and so crazy in love with you that I believed everything you said to me. Today I am not a naive, love struck boy, who thinks the love of his life would never hurt or betray him. You have done all of that, more than once." He snarled moving closer to her, he stepped in front of her leaning in so his face was merely inches away from hers.

"Little Tara Knowles always running away when shit gets tough. Gemma was right all those years ago. Maybe you never were 'Old lady' material. Maybe because I was so crazy in love with you -am crazy in love with you... That I denied that truth because I wanted it to work with us. Wanted us to live a happy life together. You told me when you came back that I needed to tell you the truth, the whole truth, for you to be sure this is what you wanted. I did, I have, but as soon as the truth gets too personal – to scary for you. You run. You always fucking run. Is that what happened with you and Kohn? Did it get too intense for you? You become pregnant, realize that it wasn't what you wanted. You abort it and run back to Charming. He follows you, gets aggressive, starts stalking you because he feels like you left without any reason and then, he comes after me and because you know how much I loved you...knew I would do anything to protect you." Jax hissed, his eyes darkening and he grabbed her free arm, squeezing tightly.

"I asked you this before and I will ask it again. Did you come back to Charming because you knew I would hurt him. Did you bring him here on purpose. Did you actually plan it?"

Tara laughed, a loud heckled laugh, "Are you fucking kidding me? Are you really throwing that shit at me. I told you before and i will say it again. I did not think he would follow me, fuck i didn't even know you'd still be here. I didn't even know if you were single. FUCK you. I cant believe you are tellling me how much I've hurt and betrayed you? What you've done to me throughout these last few years...shit in the last month since we have been married... We got fucking married Jax. I took your god damn lies again, believed you when you said in your vows you would protect me, love me and not cheat on me. For better or worse right? And, the first thing you do, when I tell you I don't want to see you, when I was in jail. In jail for YOU! You run to the first god damn whore you can find. An old used up, WHORE, because I hurt your feelings. I told you Jax when you came back from Ireland, when you found out I was pregnant that cheating was a deal breaker for me. Why do you think now that I married you that my decision would change Jax?"

Tara was fuming, her face was red and the hot tears fell freely down her hot face. She didn't care if Jax seen her like this. She was done holding shit in. If he wanted the truth. He would certainly get it.

"YOU haven't changed Jax, you are the same, lying, cheating piece of shit, you were back then. Only difference now is that I have changed. I'm not the stupid, naive little girl you fell in love with. I am your 'Old Lady' and the only thing that matters to me is those two beautiful boys of ours and since you are not fucking man enough to do something about keeping them safe from the horrible shit you created - or the lying, Psycho, murderous bitch taking care of them right now. Then I will and I promise you, that they will not grow up knowing this life...even if that means them not being a part of your life, then so be it. I will die before I let that happen."

Jax growled, his arm lifted and he punched in front of him hard, a loud cracking echoed through the large forest and he screamed..

Tbc


	4. Chapter 4

This fic is different from the rest of mine. Definitely darkerand full of angst. Usually I love to write the dark and angst fics but I always throw in the fluff and smut as well. Lol. This fic, I'm not sure if it will ever get fluffy. I feel like Season 6 was very dark and Jax and Tara both had alot of darkness in them. I know they loved eachother deeply but they both had so many issues between them and their relationship. Especially with themselves. There was so many things that were clouded over or brought up but never explored and I feel like I need to hash all that out.

I really hope you all are enjoying this fic. Again I feel like it could be polished more, but for what I'm trying to go for, I think it's perfect the way it is. I hope you all feel the same way as I do.

This one is a little longer then the last few lol, but probably not as long as you'll all hope for. I'm sorry. At least I am writing, right?

* * *

Jesus Christ, Tara!" Jax yelled wincing at the pain shooting through his arm. "After everything we have been through, the way I feel about you... you think I'd kill you? Is that really what you think of me. Pulling his right hand towards his body, his eyes stared at his hurt, bloodied hand, before looking towards Tara. Her head was turned but Jax noticed the blood trickling down her mouth...the bruise that was starting to form around her cheek bone and he swallowed, "I – I didn't mean to do that. Oh my god Tara. I didn't mean to hit you." He scrambled to unlock the cuffs and his hand reached for her face and his fingers brushed lightly against her left cheek.

She pushed his hand away and shoved him hard. Her head turning towards Jax. Her green eyes darkened. "You didn't mean to shoot a needle of crank in Wendy's arm either, did you?" She snarled, moving closer to him and suckered punching him hard - sending him flying backwards.

Jax paused, a shock look crossing his features. "What? Ho – How did you know that?"

Tara's hand touched her bleeding lip, her face didn't hurt as much as Jax thought it did. He really hadn't meant to hit her, he had grazed her face when his fist collided with the tree."I know what you did Jax. She came to me the day after, told me everything. I also know about what you did to Ima. You a woman beater now too?" Tara spat at at Jax, he winced at her hurtful words and her green eyes softened. "What happened to you? What have you become?"

Jax swallowed, he pulled away, stepping backwards onto the blanket and sat down. His head lowered and he brought his good hand up to his head and ran his fingers into his long, greasy hair.

" I – I was trying to protect my family...I was trying to protect you. "

Tara laughed, " Protect me? You were trying to protect me from a girl? You weren't protecting me, you were protecting your club. The one thing I always loved about you was that no matter what, I knew you would never hurt a helpless woman. I guess I was wrong. " She sighed heavily and moved towards him. "I am not a fan of either of those woman Jax, I am the first to admit that they deserve whatever they have coming to them. But, I never in my wildest dreams thought that you were that big of a monster. So, I'm sorry if I am wary of you and what you might do to me. Hell, part of me thinks that this shit you pulled tonight, was you trying to connect with me, the other part of me thinks that you drug me out here in the middle of the forest to kill me and let the club despense of me. After everything you've done lately, the shit I've seen you do. I wouldn't be surprised in the least. Wouldn't put it past you."

"Since we are being so honest with eachother. I'll let you know exactly why I never let you come see me while I was sitting in jail - for your club. Gemma found our right before I was arrested that we had talked and that I was going to take the boys to providence. She seen some flowers from them in my office. She threatened me, telling me if I left, she would make sure I never got to leave, that I would be taken to jail for Pamela Torric's death and guess what happened that night? I get arrested for being accessory."

"Babe - my mom can be a bitch, but she would never turn you in..She...

"Shut up Jax, shut the fuck up. "She screamed. "Since day one you have been sticking up for your mother. Everything awful thing she has said or done - you have protected her. She got what she wanted when I left for Chicago and when I came back she did whatever she could to tear us apart. Getting Wendy out of rehab, giving her the key to your house...when you chose me at Donna's funeral. I thought maybe we could try and get along. We became close I thought she loved me but i realized early on that she only stood by me because I helped her when she was raped, kept her secret from you, from Clay. Gemma only ever really used me when It was convenient for her or for the club. She was so pissed off that you were allowing me to take the boys out of town that she had somehow set it up so I was be beaten in jail. BUT, I kicked that black bitches ass that came at me that day - almost killed her - and, after that, no one tried anything with me. Why would your mother do that you ask? " Tara paused, pulling her bandaged arm up and pointing it towards Jax. "To keep her precious boy and grandkids by her side...but, that didn't scare me or waiver my decision."

Tara laughed, brushing her short, brown hair with her bandaged hand, " The day Wendy overdosed in the hospital right after Abel was born. Who do you think smuggled in that needle that day? Who would go to any length to keep her family together. Is this getting through your head Jax... should I continue? Should I tell you what else your mother has done behind your back? Because believe me, that is just the tip of the iceberg."

"Tara, I'm sorry for what my mother has done to you , but with all the shit with Clay, I'm not surprised. Look what he turned her into."

Tara laughed harshly, " You are seriously still saying Gemma is the victim. That Clay was the one to turn her into what she is? I always thought you were smarter than that Jax. Maybe I have to be a little more clear than for you. Clay was nothing compared to your mother. When you came back from Ireland and I found those letters. John talked alot about your mother an her secret relationship with Clay - he also talked about how he believed Gemma wants him dead, how Gemma was planning to sabatoge his bike," She glanced at Jax who was staring at her intensely, " Your mother wanted him dead Jax. Clay was just the one to do it for her because he loved her. Kind of sounds like you and I and Kohn, right? When Gemma found out I had the letters, she went into my office and took out the ones implicating her and destroyed them. She didn't ask Clay to try and kill me, that was all on his own, but when she found out about it, she never did anything about it, because he knew that if he said anything that you would find out exactly why. She knew without proof, you would never believe it. I really don't care if you believe that she was involved in your father's death or not. Because it really doesn't matter anymore, you killed the only man that would ever prove it. Which even if you did ask, Clay loved her too much, he would never rat on her.

Jax raised his head and Tara seen the tears falling down his face. She smiled, her lips curving into almost a evil grin, even though part of her felt bad for making him hurt, she hated seeing him so upset, especially him crying, but tonight - seeing him cry, comforted her. It let her know that he still had feelings deep down. That, he hadn't turned full monster on her. She knew she was breaking him. Maybe this is what she needed to do to bring her Jax back - the Jax she fell in love with.

"Two days ago she came to our house. OUR house and threatened me. Telling me either 'Mommy moves away or passes away.' She implied you or the club would kill me and if that didn't happen then she would be the one to do it. So my only option is to protect my boys from her and from you and if that means me running - I will. But, if you want to save our marriage, save our boys. You will deal with your murderous mother. The decision is yours Jax... what's it gonna be?" She whispered, she turned away from him, leaning down and picking up the fallen flashlight. Without looking back she headed back, the small flashlight leading her through the large opening.

TBC. What do you think?


	5. Chapter 5

Thank you everyone for the likes, favs and reviews on this fic. I'm so glad you are enjoying it. I'm still writing it on the phone. It is a pain in the butt not having my laptop so I'm sorry if the format is wonky or I missed some editing.

I can't tell you what will happen between our favorite couple. I'm not sure where my muse is going with this. I'm just letting my muse run wild. There is a huge revelation revealed and TAra has a very vulnerable moment. Again, I can't tell you what will happen to our favorite couple.

I do hope you are still enjoying it and that you like the chapter. Please review, feedback is like chocolate for my muse.

 **You Drive Me Crazy Chaper 5.**

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"Tara! TARA!" Jax screamed as he scrambled to get up before running behind her through the dark forest. "Will you stop! Stop running. Stop god damn running away from me." Jax grabbed her arm, but she pulled away from him, walking faster down the narrow trail. "Jesus Christ, Tara, you can't say all that shit to me - and then just run away. You want to fucking talk about everything, let's talk. Lets get it all out. "

Tara stopped and spun around, and in a split second Jax was running right into her. "Why, when things aren't going good for you, for us you turn to the first thing that makes googly eyes at you. This isn't fucking new thing Jax. Ever since high school, you haven't been able to keep it in your pants. You know what you are? A piece of SHIT. You always tell me how much I matter to you, how much your soul feels me, feels my pain. Bullshit Jax... if you did, then why would you love watching me suffer, watching my heart break? I dont know you anymore. I can't trust you. When I asked you that night, when you came home from retaliating on Donna's killer. I told you that I couldn't handle the secrets and this whole time you've been keeping stuff for me."

"Yeah, and from what you have been saying to me these last few hours is you have been hiding a lot more than a fake pregnancy all these years. What else have you kept from me, Tara. Lied to me about. "

"Ever since Opie died. You haven't loved anything. Not me, not our boys. All that you seem to care about is that god damn club. A club, that is going get you killed. Well, I will not stand by and watch that happen. I will not let our boys in harms way because of a fucking vengeance you have. I loved Opie just as much as you did . He was a good friend to me. But, I will not let his death harm me or harm my kids. He knew that you were getting to deep. He sacrificed himself to save YOU! To keep YOU with your family that LOVES you. He died for you to be free and you turn into the one thing he didn't want for you. You're a monster. I don't want anything to do with it. With this..." Tara said, ignoring his question about what other lies she has been hiding and sighed heavily, Jax fist clenched by his sides, his eyes darkening and Tara backed away, leaving some distance between them.

"Did you know that Juice is the one who sent me to that damn whore house. He was extremely happy to give me that information. He had been so pissed off at me for backing over his bike, when he was tailing me the other day. I get he wanted to get back at me for that, but, what I'm curious to know is; what did you do to him, for him to rat you out to me?"

"You ran over his bike? " He asked as he moved closer to her and stopped in front of her, sighing nervously "Ever since I found out he tried to off himself. I've been a little weary of what he might do."

"Wh -what" Tara stuttered, "Juice tried to kill himself?"

Jax nodded, his left hand slipped through his greasy hair and he moaned. "Tara I deserve to be punished, for not protecting you. I should have never allowed you to go see Otto, put you in that position. Jesus, Tara. You watched him kill an innocent girl. He could have hurt you."

"Jax you did not do this. I did. I offered, I knew what I was risking...I was trying to help. " Tara snorted, "Look at where that got me. "

"Why didn't you tell me about my mother?" Jax hissed as the thought of his mother and all the shit Tara have revealed to him about Gemma, crossed his mind.

"Would you have believed me, Jax? Ever since we've met, your mother has been doing whatever she could do break us apart. I thought that we were becoming a family, that she loved me. She doesn't love me. She never has. The only thing she ever has loved is herself... she has some sick, twisted obsession with you. " Tara groaned, and turned around moving away from Jax and stopping at the opening towards the cabin. "Hale was right. I should have never came back. He knew what was going to happen. He cared about my safety and looked what happened to him. I should have left with him when he asked. If i did he'd still be alive. . "

Before Tara could say anything else, Jax was in front her, he grabbed her shoulders with both arms and a growl escaped his lips. "When the hell did Hale ask you to leave with him?" Jax asked, his blue eyes darkening under the moonlight, "What the hell did you two talk about? What the hell did he know?"

"He didn't know anything. " Tara stuttered turning her gaze away from Jax, shrugging his hands off of her. "Hale came over to see how I was doing, when he found out Abel was missing. He was being a friend. A close friend who I've had since junior high. Listen, Jax, I – I wasn't lying when I said I was going to take our boys and go. I've tried to talk with you. I have tried to get through to you for months now. Whatever is said, whatever we do, we can never go back. I can never go back. " Tears formed Tara's eyes and she closed them instantly, hiding her tears from Jax.

"When I first heard you were back in Charming it had been from Hale. Fucking Hale of all people and he enjoyed rubbing it in my face too. He kept mentioning how he drove up and helped you pack. Got you comfortable back in Charming. He helped YOU move . He knew you were moving back to Charming before I did. Everything after Kohn and us connecting again I didn't want to bring this up, but, did you sleep with him? Before we got back together?"

He watched her curiously, waiting for her to answer, she avoided his gaze and turned back towards where they came from. " He kept in touch with me, made sure I was alright. Gave me updates on my dad and sometimes you." She whispered and started walking back to the spot Jax had handcuffed her. Jax followed her and caught up to her. And they walked in silence until they got back to the blanket and bag Jax had brought.

Jax didn't know why Tara decided to turn around, but it meant she was willing to talk to him. He watched Tara as she took a seat on the blanket an pulled out two beers. She opened both and passed one to Jax by placing it semi in front of her on the blanket. She pulled her legs up to her body and she took a sip of the semi cold beer. "Does it really matter, Jax? If we did or not? David's gone. He's dead, he's never coming back. "

"To me it does. You want to know all my secrets. I want to know yours. I need to know."

* * *

It had been almost ten minutes since Jax asked Tara if her and Hale had been together. .

"Y - yes!"

Jax vision clouded over as her words echoed through his ears and he stumbled to the blanket and sat down. "It happened a few years ago...it wasn't planned and it was a mistake. He had been going through some stuff. I was lonely and missed you, missed Charming and we drank too much..."

Tara took a sip of her beer and her gaze fell on Jax and she exhaled, "I found out that you and Wendy were engaged. Gemma had personally sent me an invite to the engagement party and I freaked - called Hale and before I knew it. He was at my front door with Chinese food and beer. One thing led to another and...it happened."

Tara drew a deep breath and finished the last of her beer before placing the bottle back in the bag and pulling out another one. " When I found out my dad died. Hale was the only one who called me to see if I was alright, and we..."

Jax swallowed, trying to get rid of the air bubble lodged in his air pipe and he cleared his throat." Twice? Did you love him?" Jax asked, he averted her gaze and reached for another beer. He scoffed, opening his beer and taking a drink.

"You never thought to tell me this? You kept this from me the whole time? "

Tara laughed and stood up, her eyes wandered the dark forest and her gaze fell on the large boulder they use to sit on overlooking the water. "I didn't think it was any of your business Jax. I never asked to know every single girl you've slept with. That list would be damn long. "

"You never thought to mention to me that you slept with Hale, 'Deputy' Hale...Twice! You know exactly what he thinks of me and you slept with him?"

"Hale was always there for me Jax and I **wasn't** thinking of you. For once in my life, I wasn't thinking of you. I felt so sick to my stomach when I came back here because as soon as I saw you. Everything just blew away and all I could see was you and I felt bad for Hale. I used him and I didn't even realize it. Since junior high Hale has wanted me. He loved me, protected me and I let him down."

Did you love him?" Jax repeated. He pulled a cigarette out of his pocket and lit it, before moving besides Tara and taking a seat."

Tara shivered, and wrapped her arms aound herself, "Yes...I don't love him the way I love you. I cared deeply for him, I can't deny that I had feelings for him, but I wasn't 'in' love with him."

Jax noticed that Tara was cold and he had got up from the seat and grabbed the blanket in his bag and headed back towards her. He watched her silently as she stared at the half moon above the lake.

"You know, seeing you today, at 34, you look so much like your mother - the way I remember her when I was 8...before she got sick. I remember when Opie and I would come over to play with you, she would stare out that window for hours, watching us play and then she would feed us apple pie and ice cream. Damn she had some good apple pie. "Jax chuckled as Tara turned around and smiled, her eyes falling on Jax who was leaning against the tree.

"She would be so proud of you today Tara. I know I am."

Tara snorted, pushing herself away from the big boulder she had been sitting on. "I wish she was still here. There's been times lately..." Tara swallowed nervously, "That I feel her here... With us."

Tara glanced towards Jax and he moved towards her, sitting behind her on the boulder and she turned so he was looking at her fully. "Your mother would be so proud of you, Tara. Becoming a doctor - neonatal surgeon. Saving babies lives, saving our lives, every single day. Saving me..." Jax reached for Tara's hand and his fingers entwined with hers, "I have been so self involved lately, so - distracted. I really am sorry for everything I have put you through. But, most of all, that I didn't trust us enough... trusted you." Jax sighed sadly and reached for Tara, grabbing her arm and pulling her beside him on the rock.

"I always seem to do something shitty to break your heart. I dont know if I can ever explain fully what it's like to be a SON and I dont think I will ever be able too. But, I do know one thing. That I love you more than anything else in this world. You are my world and the thought of you not wanting to be a part of it...it takes me to a dark place, Tara. When I am not with you, I - I..."

"I know," Tara sighed heavily, her hands lifted to Jax's face and her fingers brushed against his soft skin. "The one thing I realized with all this shit that is happening between us, is that both of us, instead of us communicating with each other, we are tearing each other down. Instead of us being united, we are falling apart." Tara moved closer to Jax, he leaned forward, his arm wrapping around her. "Jackson, I love you. I've loved you since the moment I laid eyes on you. No matter how much, how hard it is for both of us, please always remember that I love you. I will never stop loving you. "

Tara sighed and stood up, turning her body back towards him. "This war you're fighting with me - against me. It's not about you or me anymore. It's about those innocent boys. Jax, this is the life you grew up with. I get that. You had no choice. We do."

Tears formed in Tara's eyes and Jax grabbed her hand, squeezing it tightly. "I love you Tara. I'll take care of everything. I won't let anything happen to you or those boys, they are not going anywhere, except with you."

Jax' heart broke as Tara broke down at his words and he pulled her closer to him as they walked back through the bush towards the cabin..

He knew this would be a long road ahead and he was going to do everything in his power to keep her by his side.

TBC


	6. Chapter 6

So when I first started this I thought for sure it was going to be a short fic but my muse seems happy in following through more in depth with this idea...I'm still writing on my phone, so if there is any mistakes. I'm sorry. It sucks woking from this damn thing.

Thank you so much everyone for the feedback, likes and favs. So glad you are still enjoying this. Please let me know of this Chapter.

Feedback is Chocolate or my muse.

* * *

 ** _I wish I could forgive you. I wish I could move on._**

"Jax - I..."

"Yeah?" Jax replied, stopping at the stairs towards the cabin. He focused on her as he took a seat on the wooden stairs; his eyes closed.

Silence...there was only silence between them and Jax grew anxious. He knew Tara would do whatever she could to get their boys away from here. The miscarriage, the divorce. She had already shown him, what she was capable of. Would she really leave him and be okay with it and move on?!

A groan escaped his lips and he put his head in his hands. "We will never get 'us' back - will we? "

"Jax -"

"Really, Tara? After all the shit you and I have been through. You're going to let that all go? Fuck, Tara. I killed for you. I would do it again, in a heart beat if I had too. After all these years, the connection you and I have. Shit, I don't know about you, Tara, but being with you, it makes me feel complete. I should have listened to you right before you went to jail. I should have made you go to Providence. I should have protected you."

"I get it Jax, I feel it just as much as you do. I hate it sometimes, hate when my soul cries out for you. I spent ten years hiding my feelings by keeping busy. All I did was study and go to school. But, there would be times that something was trying to pull me back to Charming, it's like I knew this is where I was supposed to be. I'm not regretting any of it. Abel and Thomas...I don't know what I would do without them. Jax... you and I, it's amazing, but for me, when my husband, who supposedly loves me unconditionally, cheats on me as soon as you get a chance. Not once. TWICE. Hell, probably more. It's a deal breaker. "

"Tara.."

"Jax, please. I need to say this." Tara sighed heavily and took a seat beside Jax on the steps. "I rack my brain. I drive myself crazy trying to understand why you do it? Was my body and soul not good enough? I know you don't love them and it is just sex for you. I know that...I just don't understand why you'd turn to some other woman, when I know you inside and out, loves you for who you are and who was right beside you this whole time. Do you know how much that breaks my heart. I gave you everything Jax. When I first came back, that Jax would never ever do anything like that to me. You made a vow. I know you apologized about this, but this is one thing I've told you from the very beginning. It was always a deal breaker for me. The last time, Abel was kidnapped, Salazar and my pregnancy. I let it go, because I loved you and I wanted a family with you. Not this time, Jax. It's over between us. I love you and I will always love you, but you made your choice."

Tara stood and turned, her foot hit the first step and she glanced down. "I need to go check on Bobby. " She whispered and Jax nodded, but he didn't look up at her. A sigh escaped her lips and she finished the stairs and headed inside the cabin.

* * *

Jax felt like his heart was going to explode. His brain was on overload with all the information and truths Tara had told him. He knew something was going on with her. Jesus, this was way more than he ever expected. _They really were over._ Tara wasn't budging. He had screwed any chance he had with her when he went ahead and screwed Collette. What the fuck had he been thinking? He hadn't been thinking about anyone except himself. At the time he had been so angry with Tara for not wanting to see him when she was in County. He felt like Tara was pulling away and Collette flashes a cute smile and offered him a bed.

 _He had betrayed Tara in the worst possible way._

Jax exhaled the the last of his cigarette and put it out, throwing it in the coffee tin beside the steps and stood up and headed inside. Tara caught his vision as he entered the kitchen, she was leaned over the sink, washing the dishes.

"How's Bobby?"

"He's good. Sleeping. I changed the bandage. It's looking better. Just got to keep the wound clean and he should be fine."

"That's good." Jax answered, moving around the counter, "Would I be able to visit you? Can we keep in touch? "He asked, reaching for the dish towel and grabbing a plate from the dish rack. "

Tara's head snapped towards him and her green eyes stared at him cautiously. "That depends on you. Where ever I decide to take our boys. Your club, your mother, will not know where I am."

"Who will know?"

"Nobody but me." Tara turned, she dropped the wet rag in the sink and crossed her arms around herself.

"How - how would I see you? Visit you?"

"We will get burner phones. We will keep in touch that way - for now. Then when I'm all settled. We will plan something."

"Could I come, make sure you're settled. Make sure you are safe." Jax swallowed the lump in his throat and tears fell from his eyes.

Goodnight Jax. "

Jax winced and Tara could see the pain in his eyes. She _could feel his heartbreaking_ . He was dying inside.

 _She could feel it inside her too._

 _TBC_


	7. Chapter 7

Hey everyone. I really hope you are enjoying this story. I have been so crazy busy that I've had no time at all to write. I finally was able to do some lastnight. It is pretty short - that I am sorry about but atleast it is something, right? Sorry if this isn't as polished as it should be, I am writing on my phone. If you see any mistakes let me know and i will fix them. I'm lovin all the fave, likes and comments and I'm so glad everyone is enjoying this fic. It makes me happy to know you all like it. Please let me know what you think of this chapter it's like chocolate for my muse! ❤

* * *

She stared through the window, her green eyes watching the young boys playing in the front yard. The fourteen year old; her oldest, laughed as he pushed his younger brother Thomas on the swing. Tara smiled, she couldn't believe that Abel was now going into high school and that Thomas was in grade 5... grade 5!

Time had flown by.

She frowned, her eyes closing. It had been eleven and a half years since she had left Charming...since she left Jax.

No one. Not the club - not Jax, knew where Tara was. She made sure she had disappeared. It had been almost a decade since she had seen Jax. When he got arrested, sometime after she left, she had no contact with him. No burner, no letters.

This new life was a new beginning for her, for them. Her old life, her old friends - they were just a distant memory.

Tara acknowledged that after making it official, leaving Charming with their boys, Jax had most definitely hated her. She wasn't his anymore. She had become his enemy. Even if she wanted to see Jax. She was certain he wouldnt be so cooperative.

She had had made a pretty good life for herself. She was now the head of the neonatal department – ever since her accident with her hand all those years ago, she wasn't able to do surgeries anymore, so she decided to still be useful and decided to do her part another way, training new doctors.

She had met another doctor, a cardiologist, he was handsome, a few years older than her. He had been married once before and had two daughters, one was 10 and the other 15. He had treated her like a princess. It had started to become very serious. He had asked her to move in with him. She hadn't gave him an answer yet. Something was holding her back, what she wasn't sure. She liked him a lot, they got along very well, he treated her like a queen. The kids got along and she loved his daughters and she was falling for him as well.

So why wasn't she happy about him asking her to move in. Why was she stalling?

* * *

It had been four years. Four years since he found her... Found his boys.

He had given up his presidents patch to Chibs, stepping down as president and out of the Sons of Anarchy.

His mother Gemma was arrested - with his help and she was now doing life in prison.

After realizing all the lies and horrible things she had done, Jax realized he needed to teach her a lesson. He should have killed her, but he felt death would be to easy for his mother.

Jax was arrested and served six years in jail. Six - long lonely years - locked up with no contact with the outside world.

Tara never stayed after that night at the cabin. She picked up the boys and never looked back. No letters or phone calls.

His wife - his soul mate, had left him.

Jax knew what Tara did was for the best. The night at the cabin when she opened up to him, told him every secret she had kept from him. He realized that she had been right about everything. His family deserved so much more better than what he could give them. No matter how much he told her he would protect them, keep them safe from any harm. He knew deep down inside that he couldn't because It was him that they needed protecting from.

He was supposed to serve twenty years for the role in Otto's murder. After talking with Tara and finding out so many lies, he told her he would allow her to leave Charming, he would go to the DA tell her that Tara wasn't ever involved. He'd do the time for all the horrible stuff, he had done... his club had done.

He deserved jail. Tara, she deserved to be happy, she needed to take care of those boys. Give them the normal life he always wished for.

Jax was not rat - he would never turn in his brothers. He would do the time before that would happen, but after six years of doing alot of thinking. Thinking was all he seemed to do then. He realized that the person who had got them into all this mess, wasnt Otto, or Clay or even gang related. It was Gemma...everything always pointed to Gemma.

With Jax's cooperation, Gemma had been arrested and he was set free on good behaviour. His one condition on giving the DA what he needed was that no one would know he was free and she would find Tara and set him up with a new life.

A clean slate.

Patterson did find Tara and his boys. She had moved not only out of Charming, but all the way to Canada.

Far away from him.

He found himself a small little apartment across from a local garage and he applied there to be a mechanic. They offered him, at first, a part time job, but after only 3 months in, they seen the work he put in and gave him a full time position and after 4 long years he was finally going to see her - confront her. He had been really nervous; scared actually. What if she had found someone new. What if she had married, fallen in love.

Soon that nervousness turned to anger. Even though he understood everything she had done he couldn't accept that she could fall in love again...wouldn't except it.

He sighed moving away from his bike. He ran his hand through his long blonde hair and stepped toward the small brown house in front of him. He took the last drag of his cigarette and snubbed it out with his boot. His hand lifted and he knocked gently on the wooden door. He swallowed, his throat dry and raw. He could hear footsteps and he closed his eyes and took in a deep breath. The door open and his eyes opened and Tara came in his view. Her green eyes stared at him and she stared at him shocked. She didn't say anything and either did he. They just stood there, staring at each other silently, finally after a few moments Jax cleared his throat.

"Hello Tara."

tbc


End file.
